10.SWEATY GUYS – You know the ones. Those dudes who sweat profusely all over you and your friends. You try so hard to not make any body contact, but in massive crowds its almost impossible. These guys also seem to not shower for a week prior to the festival making their stench fairly intense.
9.LOOSING FRIENDS – Nothing sucks more than loosing your friends that you were amping with for months to be at the festival. Maybe the sweaty guy was too much for them, or they have snuck backstage without you. Whatever it was, goodluck finding them with no phone signal and 20 000 other lost punters. Best part about this though is that you are bound to meet new people, festival friends for life.
8.SUNBURN - Music festivals tend to take place during the warmer, sunnier months of the year. They almost always are on those days where sane people stay indoors, the ones where its too hot for the beach, when the tar on the road seems to be melting (i.e. Sydney BDO – 2009). However, punters aren’t that sane. As a result many a festival goer has woken up with a festival tan, mostly a singlet and sunnies outline, as well as maybe a few band names and phone numbers outlined by the UV protective permanent texta. Slip, slop, slap my friends.
7.HAIRY SWEATY GUYS- These dudes outrank the hell out of their bald or t-shirt wearing sweaty friends. Whether it be long hair, a hairy chest, or the dreaded hairy back, it is so wrong having someone else’s sweaty hair follicles all over you. I didn’t sign up for this.
6.LINES- Ticket lines, Bus lines, Train lines, Beer ticket lines, Beer lines, Toilet lines, Stage lines, Congo lines, ATM lines, more beer lines. Whatever it is, at a festival you will have to line up for it. Don’t stress though, some of the funniest things happen in lines at festivals. I mean drunk bored people waiting around, something’s bound to happen
5.WASTED PUNTERS- Its pretty funny watching old mate stumble around, trip over himself, chew the shit out of his mouth and be a general idiot. But in a matter of hours that same guy is going to be in a world of pain, possibly frothing at the mouth, possibly spewing on you, possibly pissing himself. Drugs are bad, m’kay!?
4.RANDOM GRINDERS- Now this hasn’t happened to me, yet, but all you women out there know what im talking about. When old mate reckons he can walk up behind you and rub his little dickie against your bum. I don’t know what those douches are thinking, but that couldn’t be a successful way of picking up chicks, could it?
3.FIGHTS – Festivals are about love and music. So when a fight brakes out between egotistical losers I find it ruins everything. Thankfully by entering a fight, those same tools are getting punched out, so it usually sorts itself out.
2.WASTED ARTISTS – So you paid $150 to get in, $30 for the CD, $50 for the band shirt and squeeze past 20 000 people to be right up the front for your favourite band. And out walks said band completely trashed, playing half a set of what vaguely sounds like there album and to top it off as they leave the stage early they say ‘fuck you’ to the crowd. Thanks dickheads.
1. CANCELATIONS- Nothing shits me more than when you buy a ticket to a festival with one band in mind. ‘Nah I wont go to their side show, I’ll just see them at the festival’ you think to yourself. Time goes by and you amp yourself up by going there entire back catalogue, youtube the shit out of them and remember all there songs and what albums they are from. Excitement is at an all time high, when the day before you are slapped across the face with the news that the artist has cancelled (Bjork, Janes Addiction to name a few).
While these things suck immensely, its not the end of the world. You still go to the festival and have the time of your life, with memories that will last forever. And you might even find new friends or band.